The Email That Will Change Your Life

ATTENTION B-SQUADERS--

It is my grand honor to be facilitating a softball styled activity again this year. I knew it was time when Malibar and I went to this little soul food joint on the 394 frontage road the other day. He ordered four fried chickens and I ordered some dry white toast. Our waitress looked stunningly like Rachel Meadows. Big John and Paul Fucking Meadows turned out to work in the kitchen, slopping around the grease trap, and Malibar reached out to them and said: Guys, me and Bricker, we're putting the b-squad back together. (see attched file)

So as you can see, I don't manage. I merely facilitate. Create opportunities to be placed in front of thrill seekers with proper identification. If you receive this email then you know you are the one. Now you have a chance to prove it!

I need a show of interest, fellas. I need you to email me back with some critical details, perhaps using the following survey. It would be tops to have answers from each of you by Wednesday. Don't make me make follow up calls!

PLEASE NOTE THAT I'M USING A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS: jim_bernard@earthlink.net

Our practice is on APRIL 20. Our first game is on APRIL 27. Get fired up!

BRICK

1. My B-Squad interest level is...
a) alarming, frighteningly intense desire to participate
b) not as strong as my desire to sit at Dusty's and listen to "ring of fire"
c) going to be set by my wife/girlfriend
d) tepid because I am a complete dork

2. Email validity
a) The email you sent me works great, particularly when the power grid is up
b) I have another email where I receive my important information about the local dating scene, please switch to _______
c) I didn't get this email and therefore cannot respond
d) It would be better if we could communicate via US Mail

3. Uniform preference
a) I need the largest possible size a double or triple X large...it's been a great off season
b) I worked out and drank much less beer than I'd hoped: a single X in front of my large please.
c) I am merely large, though these days that may be considered kind of lame.
d) I need a shirt that is medium sized in order for our opponents to be able to count my ribs when I'm up to bat

4. Rob Haskins
a) Should swallow his pride and admit that he made a mistake and be accepted back on the B-Squad
b) Should organize his life in a manner that he won't regret on his death bed by including more B-Squad softball in his routine
c) Should worry that rejecting the B-Squad for another year might be bad for his personal and professional life
d) Should have a hitting streak that includes triples and home runs when he plays for the B-Squad this year

5. On the back of my shirt
a) I'd like the number ___
b) If that number is taken, I'd like to have it anyway
c) If that number is taken, I'd like to have this number instead: ____
d) If somebody takes my number I'll be so pissed.

6. Batting practice
a) Is a sissy idea made up by guys who do not appreciate the importance of the word "recreational"
b) Would increase my confidence at the plate and perhaps lead to modest improvements
c) Would provide me an opportunity to get out of my house and perhaps drink a few beers
d) Is hard to imagine but I'd be willing to give it a shot

7. Extra uniforms
a) I'd be interested in purchasing an additional hat
b) I'd be interested in purchasing an additional shirt, size ______
c) I can't believe I have to get another shirt this year. You're not going to make me pay for it are you?